Neal 'n' Nikki- yuk 'n' yukky

Tanisha Mukerjee and Uday Chopra
Image: yashrajfilms.com

When is Uday Chopra's daddy dearest finally going to have the strength to burst his 'tiger's' bubble and get him off the screen? 

In yet another attempt to launch the struggling wanna-be star, Yash Chopra's production house, Yash Raj Films, produced Neal 'n' Nikki, relying more on Tanisha Mukerjee's ample cleavage than Chopra Jr's limited 'talent' to draw in the crowds. That Baby Chopra would have been pestering big brother Aditya to produce this all-gloss no momentum film is pretty apparent--the poor man had to rip off his own classic, Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, to massage kid brother's delusions of grandeur.

The story is of the typical boy-meets-hates-loves-girl variety.

Neal (Uday Chopra) is set to marry Sweety from Punjab in 21 days and begs his father for his last singleton days to be bachelor heaven in Vancouver. (Sound suspiciously similar to Simran in DDLJ?) This is where he meets Nikki (Tanisha Mukerjee) and you can fill in the blanks.

Half the length of DDLJ, it follows half the story centring on the coming-of-age road trip (substitute British Columbia for Europe), with definitely less than half the oomph. There's even a scene where they parody the famous Simran running-in-the-sarson-fields scene towards Raj.

Lacking originality in plot, this movie sold itself on two main novelties: (1) that it was shot in BC and (2) it dealt with pre-marital sex. But this is where they went wrong.

Neal 'n' Nikki is not the first or only film to be shot in BC: Aap Ko Pehle Bhi Kahin Dekha Hai, Mohabbat, and Shakti (to name a few) have been there and done that.

As for pre-marital sex,we don't have to look further than Yash Raj Films itself to see that not only is it currently Bollywood flavour of the month (Salaam Namaste) it has had a long and intimate history with Indian cinema (Dhool Ka Phool, Deewar, Silsila).

So what exactly does this film offer?

1. An insight into Indo-Canadians? NO.

The first scene opens with Neal, supposedly born and bred in Canada, describing himself (in English) as a typical 'Indian guy who's never been to India' in the thickest Indian accent you have heard. There's nothing wrong with an Indian accent, but how prey tell, does a Canadian dude from small-town Oliver, BC acquire it when he's never even stepped foot in the pind? Ditto for Nikki.

It raises further questions about authenticity when the two real-life Indo-Canadian extras playing Neal's best friends talk to him with the local Canadian accent (as one would expect). We're left wondering if was Neal raised in a vacuum watching only Mumbaiya Hinglish TV.

Question for the director, Arjun Sablok: What was the point of Uday's blue contacts?

2. A timeless and exquisite love story? NO.

The chemistry between Chopra and Mukerjee could put a damper on a puddle. This is hardly surprising since Nikki's only character development rested on how successively short her skirts could get with each passing scene, and how many bras she could pass off as tops.

The particularly yukky moments came during the excruciatingly long slobbering lip-locks. Aside from the handicaps in their actual kissing technique (maybe some coaching and a box of Kleenex would have helped), given the lack of any real emotional bonding between the characters it reeked of a transparent ploy to rake in an audience. God knows, it had next to nothing else.

3. A showcasing of new and budding talent? HELL NO.

The biggest indictment here is that for the first time in any of his films, Chopra was not the most annoying among the cast. That prize had to be given to Mukerjee hands down.

Openly imitating some of big sister Kajol's tactics, Tanisha embodied all of her annoyances with none of the saving graces. Either that or she played the character of Nikita Bakshi a little too convincingly. I lean heavily towards the former.

A little thought to ponder: isn't it interesting that Uday's 'stardom' is limited to in-house productions by Chopras' chamche? It's telling when the owner and star-director of the self-professed 'number 1 production house in India' won't take his own son in any of his centre stage productions.

If he's not good enough for them, I wish they would stop inflicting these all-style-no-substance hacks on the rest of us.